Sunday, April 19, 2015

And Sometimes the Problem is Me

When I'm dealing with these baby sleep issues, it is easy for me to look at my baby and think, "What is wrong with you?  Why won't you sleep??" but in this case I think the real problem is me.

After my blog post from last week and a "here's what you gotta do" conversation with another mom who I really respect, I realized I needed to expand my toolbox.  It is so easy for me to hunker down and think, "oh well, I guess I just have to suffer" instead of trying to figure out how to improve the situation.  I decided to buy a book I had seen mentioned last summer, one that seemed gentler than a straight cry it out approach, but hopefully more helpful than the attachment parenting type books I had read before.  (The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight, in case you're wondering)

I read through the first chapters and the chapter about Hannah's age group, and felt hopeful.  Finally some other tools!  Finally some different strategies!  Here was something I could try where I didn't have to just plunk her in the crib and walk away, but I also didn't have to respond to every little whimper with nursing or cuddling either.

I won't go into all the details, but in a week and a half we've gone from Hannah waking at least three or four times a night to barely waking at all.  She's napping well, and she's also happier and less fussy during the day too.  And there's been remarkably little crying, and she gets happy in the evenings when I get her ready for bed and talk about night-night with her blankies.  In just a couple nights, she slept through the night two nights in a row.  It hasn't been perfect - she didn't for the next three nights - but she did again last night.

I really feel like we've turned a corner and we're heading in the right direction.  Maybe an old dog can learn new tricks after all.

9 comments:

  1. Oh, good. I am so glad for you.

    I was reading this to Jonathan, and he said, "What? What is this magical book? And why don't we have it?" (We might have had a particularly rough night last night ... ) So now we have it on order. Every baby is different, so I'm trying not to get my hopes too high, but we'll see what happens! :)

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  2. I bought the Kindle version because I'm impatient like that. :-) There's nothing particularly magical about the book I think, but the author has a lot of helpful things to say and I like her approach. I can't say I've implemented it perfectly, but what I have implemented seems to be working well. I think Hannah was ready to do more than I was giving her credit for - and this book gave me some more tools and confidence to try them.

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  3. Wow, yay! That is awesome for Hannah and for you!! Ree is fast approaching one year old and I am trying to figure out how to help her (and me) get some better sleep. Her night wakings can vary from every hour (when she's teething!!) to "just" three times a night, but man, I am tired. And when her naps are short, she's just kind of crabby all day and it's so hard on all of us! So I know she needs to be getting better sleep, but I'm not willing to do any sort of CIO-extinction method ... the one you're describing sounds gentler and very intriguing, so thank you for sharing the book ... I'm going to go take a look on amazon!

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    1. It might be more crying that you're willing to do - I think it would have been when I had fewer children. I think I've come to understand the difference between hysterical awful crying vs. the I'm tired and crabby and about to go to sleep sort of crying though, and I like her process of reassuring the baby. It certainly isn't the No Cry Sleep Solution (or whatever that book is called) but I found that book absolutely useless. I hope you and Ree can get some rest soon though, no matter what direction you take!

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    2. I think there is a difference between crying that is suffering and crying that is struggling, if that makes any sense. Sometimes Ree cries when Nathan's on sleep duty (if I'm working / at a gig at night), but he is with her soothing her and she's not suffering or terrified or miserable alone! I don't think second and/or all subsequent children can possibly expect to make it through life without crying, even if firstborns somehow magically can (ours didn't ;))!

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    3. Yes, that definitely makes sense. It was a hard thing for me to learn though, and I while certainly no child is going to make it through the first few years without crying, I think I was more afraid of crying than I needed to be.

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  4. Amber, I am so happy to read this update! Praise God for some uninterrupted sleep for you. Life is just so much easier when you are well rested. :)

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    1. I'm looking forward to getting a few more decent nights under my belt... but I'm at least not feeling quite so dreadfully tired everyday!

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